


Satan apparently goes by the name of Patrick

by st0rrm



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe, demon!patrick, this is basically just a bunch of drabbles strung together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st0rrm/pseuds/st0rrm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe took one glance at the small horned dude with black eyes, and one glance at Pete, and said, “I don’t have the fucking time for this.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Satan apparently goes by the name of Patrick

**Author's Note:**

> i was talking to amanda and had this idea for a demon patrick au
> 
> i might add onto it later but for now this is all ur getting
> 
> its just a series of drabbles strung together

Joe took one glance at the small horned dude with black eyes, and one glance at Pete, and said, “I don’t have the fucking time for this.” He walked past Pete and the small horned dude, made himself some coffee, and walked right back out of the kitchen.

Pete watched him walk out of the room, and mentally begged him to come back and help him.

“So, you mean to tell me that you _accidentally_ cast a demon-binding spell?”

“That’s the truth.”

“Oh, good God, I haven’t heard such bullshit since Father cast me out of heaven,” the demon pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed loudly.

* * *

 

Satan apparently goes by the name of Patrick. And Satan happens to be a really chill and laid back dude. And surprisingly, Satan isn’t a misogynistic or homophobic prick. If anything, Pete thinks that everyone should be a Satanist.

Pete figured out that Patrick wasn’t homophobic when the kid had heard a slur, and had proceeded to grab the guy by the collar of his shirt, and pull him down to his level, and said, “It’s not your place to judge, you pathetic piece of shit. If I hear one more fucking slur out of your mouth, I will shove my foot so far up your ass that Adam is going to be wondering what the hell is tickling his perineum.” The guy had just nodded his head, and Patrick proceeded to throw the guy to the ground with inhuman strength.

He figured out the guy wasn’t misogynistic when he had saw something on TV, and had went, “That’s so fucking unnecessary. Damn, your race is so entitled and toxic.”

* * *

 

Joe walked into the kitchen a few days later and saw Patrick using ketchup to try and summon some demonic buddies of his. He groaned, rolled his eyes, and walked into Pete’s bedroom. “I’m going to fucking kick you out if you don’t go in there and tell Patrick to stop trying to summon shit with ketchup.”

* * *

 

After a few months of living with Satan, Joe had grown used to dealing with weird shit, but this was the weirdest thing yet.

Patrick had reached a hand into a huge bowl of salted popcorn that Pete had made, and stuffed a handful of it into his mouth. He promptly spat it out, and started bristling like a fucking cat.

His eyes went black, and his horns appeared out of nowhere. “Are you trying to fucking kill me?!” He basically roared.

Within minutes, Patrick could be found on the roof. Joe crossed his arms, and stared up at him. “Get your ass off the fucking roof. And stop trying to light shit on fire!”

Of course, Patrick refused to listen. “Patrick! Don’t fucking summon other demons! We don’t have time for this bullshit!”

Patrick basically hissed at Joe. “I’m done, I’m fucking done. Pete! Come deal with your fucking house pet!” Joe yelled as he walked back into the house.

 

Pete walked outside, took one look at Patrick, and ran back inside. “Joe, no! You’re better at dealing with him than I am!”

“You’re the only one he actually likes. Deal with the consequences of your mistake.”

“But Joe, you’re not a little bitch!”

“So? Not my fucking problem.”

“Joe, please,” Pete literally got down on his hands and knees and starting begging.

“Wow, Pete, as much as I’ve imagined you down on your knees, I never knew it would happen like this.” Joe’s voice _dripped_ with sarcasm. “Stop being a pussy and go out there and calm his ass down.”

Pete whined but stumbled outside nevertheless. It took about two hours of Pete bickering with Patrick, and Joe watching with the popcorn from earlier, for Patrick to finally calm down and decide that Pete, in fact, had not tried to kill him.

* * *

 

At the six month mark of living with Satan, Pete and Joe’s next door neighbor, Andy, had grown tired of the yelling. Andy had rapped on the door, hard, at 3:00 AM.

Joe had swung the door open. The poor man wanted nothing more than to sleep, but Patrick was having a tantrum over a TV show that had inaccurate representation of demons, and Pete was trying to explain that it wasn’t real.

“Look, I’m fucking tired of waking up at odd hours of the night to hear you and your friend yelling at the other one and calling him a demon, Satan, and variations of the two. He’s not a fucking demon. Either get the sticks out of your asses and start being nice to the kid, or I’m going to call the fucking cops.”

Patrick ceased his yelling from the background, and locked eyes with Andy. “Excuse me?” He asked as his eyes turned black. “I am the incarnation of Lucifer himself; don’t you dare doubt me.”

“Patrick, what the fuck! We can’t have other people knowing you’re fucking Satan!” Pete’s arms swung out in the general direction of Andy.

Andy blinked a few times, said, “What the fuck,” and had went right back home.

“God damn it Patrick! He was the only good neighbor we had! Now he thinks we’re a bunch of fucking Satanists.” Joe had turned back around to Patrick.


End file.
